


Middle Of My Mind

by c1aire_h



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bi Eddie Kaspbrak, Bill/Stan is only mentioned like once sorry, Broken Bones, Bullying, Child Abuse, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F bomb, Fluff, Gay Richie Tozier, Gore, Henry Bowers is His Own Warning, Homophobia, How Do I Tag, Hurt, Hurt Richie Tozier, Hurt/Comfort, I just realized autocorrect changed Kaspbrak to Kasprak and I think I fixed it all but idk, I think I used the f-slur also, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Incorrect medical stuff because that’s how I roll, Internalized Homophobia, Little Richie/Connor but not really, M/M, Neibolt House, Nightmares, No Smut, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Pennywise is his own Warning, Protective Eddie Kaspbrak, Protective Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier's Trashmouth, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Soft Eddie Kaspbrak, Soft Richie Tozier, Violence, Whump, clown, honestly they don’t even kiss which they were supposed to but idk didn’t play out, not bad though I don’t think not to descriptive, nothing worse than the movie, please don’t read this if it will trigger you, some blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:07:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22065253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c1aire_h/pseuds/c1aire_h
Summary: After the Paul Bunyan scene, Richie goes back home to his abusive father who leaves him at Neibolt where he meets Eddie Kaspbrak.Also I forgot but this is named after the Tom Rosenthal song because I’m not patient enough to come up with my own
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak & The Losers Club, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, The Losers Club & Pennywise (IT), The Losers Club & Richie Tozier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	Middle Of My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Ok this is my first It fic and I’m kinda nervous about it.  
> Anyways, WARNINGS: abuse, panic attacks, ptsd, nightmares, some blood not very descriptive, broken bones, bullying, and me being a dumbass who knows nothing about medical shit.  
> More in the tags.  
> If you think this might trigger you PLEASE don’t read it. And if you need someone to talk to about anxiety I’m here and if you are experiencing abuse please get help I know that there are multiple websites you can go to and probably hotlines too.

Wow had his day gone down hill quick. All he wanted to do was play a few games at the arcade! He wasn’t expecting to find a cute boy there, let alone for said-boy to actually talk and play Street Fighter with him. Not many kids talked to him. He hadn’t exactly made good impressions inschool and was immediately targeted by Bowers and his gang. So yes he didn’t expect Connor to even give him a second glance. And he especially wasn’t expecting him to be related to Henry Bowers. Then he was attacked by a fucking clown and Paul Bunyan statue in the park.

Richie had noticed the disappearance of children. He had heard rumors about a clown from Neibolt but this was not what he expected. Everyone had some knowledge on that creepy house on Neibolt street. In fact, it was common knowledge that kids who hung around said-house went missing. The cops couldn’t find anything strange about it, but even they knew that there was something wrong with it and had their own children keep their distance. All the kids at his school claimed there was a clown that could change shapes and fed on children that lived there. This story was laughed off by adults though because they had never seen it themselves.

Clown or no clown Richie did his very best to keep distance between himself and the house. Although apparently, distance wasn’t enough to keep the clown away and It  was able to find him right after Bowers had threatened him in the arcade. 

“I think I just shit my pants”

After a few minutes, he stands up and dust himself off. Getting a few odd looks from people who were walking around the park, he decides to head back home. On the way, he pictures himself crawling into his bed and burying himself under his covers for the rest of his life. However, as he walks through the doorway and into his house, his daydream is shattered along with the bottle that just smashed against the wall less than two feet away from his head. 

He glances away from the remains of the bottle and towards his now-seethingfather. Even though Richie‘s father has yet to open his mouth, all Richie can think is,  _ he knows _ . 

Stupid fucking Derry, word seems to travel the fastest here. 

Lost in thought, Richie fails to notice the second bottle flying towards him until it makes contact, shattering against his right shoulder causing him to yelp. Both of his parents have been drunks for as long as he could remember. His mom often drinks herself to sleep, which judging by the figure in the couch is what’s happened this time. His dad on the other hand, gets angry but also quiet. This isn’t the first time he’s beaten Richie while drunk and this isn’t the first time he’s not spoken while doing it. Usually it take awhile for Richie to figure out why his father is pissed but this time he knows immediately. 

Richie tried to take a step towards the doors but is grabbed by the shoulder and shoved on to the ground. His glasses fall from his face and he’s kicked in the ribs until he’s able to find them again and struggles on his hands and knees gasping for air. The next kick hit in the same place as the bottle and he collapses, shrieking, feeling the shards of glass digging deeper into his shoulder. 

His father yells at him to get up but before he has the chance to, he’s picked up by the shoulders and slammed against the wall where he takes punches to the face until he hears his nose make an unnatural cracking sound. He tries once again to move slightly towards the door which only further enrages his father who slams him against the table across from the couch his mother is snoring from. She doesn’t even flinch. 

The table collapses which leaves his arm at a weird angle. Richie blinks thinking that he must have lost his glasses at some point only to realize that they’re on his face but his eyes have filled up with tears making it difficult to see. He forces air back into his lungs only for a boot to slam down on his chest causing his right arm awkwardly stuck behind his back to snap. Richie screams but is cut off by a kick to his head causing him to loses consciousness. 

Richie wakes up barely enough to tell that he’s being dragged around by his broken arm outside until he passes out from pain again.

He wakes up once more after being thrown on the porch of an old house with his head pounding only to watch his father walk away through dead grass and sunflowers when it hits him. 

_Neibolt_. 

He closed his eyes again. 

Eddies mom was being extra protective today. It took forever for him to convince her to let him go hang out with the other five losers at Stan’s house so he ran out the door as soon as she had said yes. The fastest way to Stan’s was down Neibolt street which he took because he was already running late. As long as he walked on the opposite side of the street he should be ok. Or at least that’s what he tells himself. 

Eddie along with the other losers has seen the thing that lived in the old house once when it appeared to him as a leper and it wasn’t an experience he wanted to repeat. 

He passes by the house on the way to Stan’s and sees a figure on the porch. From a distance it’s hard for him to tell much but it looks like a kid who couldn’t be far from him in age. 

_ That dumbass is gonna get himself killed! _

Even if Eddie gave him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he was new to Derry, he should already know better then to hang around that house unless he wanted to go missing. Squinting, Eddie can tell that it’s a boy from his school, and he doesn’t look like he’s moving. He’s not dead though. The thing in Neibolt never leaves bodies behind. It doesn’t make sense how the boy got there then. Even Bowers wasn’t stupid enough to get close to the Neibolt house. Eddie huffs out a breath and runs to Stan’s house. 

Eddie is the last one out of the six losers to arrive. He knocks on the door until the second it opens which earns him an annoyed look from Stan. One look at Eddie’s face and his expression switches from annoyed to concerned. 

“Eddie what’s wrong?” Stan asks. 

The other losers make their way towards the door. 

In between breathes Eddie is only about to get out one word, “Neibolt”

Now all the losers look scared. 

“Eddie. Deep breathes. What’s wrong?” Bev asks. 

Eddie takes a few carful breathes. 

“There’s a kid on the porch of Neibolt and he looks dead”.

“W-why would It leave a dead b-body on It’s own p-porch?” Bill questions. 

“I don’t think he’s actually dead. Well, at least not yet. But he looks super beat up and I know that Bowers wouldn’t get that close to the house and It wouldn’t leave a body there and I know it’s not a trick because I’ve seen the boy around school before and usually It would have gone for something I’m afraid of and—“

“Eddie you need to calm down. We should go check it out right?” Mike asks. 

“Y-yeah.” Bill agrees. 

The losers follow Eddie to the house where they see the boy laying on the porch. 

“That’s Richie” Stan states with wide eyes. 

“You know him?” Ben asks.

“I’ve seen him around school before but haven’t talked to him much because we don’t have classes together.”

“Well what do we do now? We can’t just leave him there!” Eddie says. 

“We have to help him and get him out of here before It comes back” Bev states. 

They walk towards the house cautiously and up the stairs. 

“Oh my god he looks like shit!” Eddie yells. 

Richie is laying on the ground with his facecovered in blood. His shirt is pulled up slightly to show his stomach littered with different colored bruises and his arm is bent in a very unnatural way. 

Eddie quickly kneels down to check his pulse but as soon as his hand touches Richies neck, Richie groans and tries to sit up only to yelp and collapse again when he puts weight on his broken arm. He slowly tries to open his eyes only for them to shoot open when he realizes where he is. 

“Neibolt” he chokes out. 

He begins to scan around, looking first to Eddie and then to the rest of the losers who are still on the stairs. His eyes widen when he looks in their direction and his face pales. His hand shoots out and he grabs Eddie’s wrist which makes Eddie squeak and Richie begins struggling to move himself backwards pulling Eddie with him towards the door of the house without agitating his broken arm more. 

“Richie, you need to calm down. We’re not going to hurt you” Stan says quietly, but this does nothing to calm Richie. Eddie tries to shake Richie’s hand of his wrist but is unable to. Richie continues to shuffle backwards with Eddie until his back hits the door. 

“Richie let go!” Eddie yells at him getting frustrated. The rest of the losers move closer to them which only seems to scare Richie more and he tries to shove Eddie behind him protectively. Eddie looks back at the losers to ask for help only to realize that Richie’s wasn’t looking at the losers, but what’s behind them. 

“SHIT!” Eddie screams when he notices the clown only a few steps away from his friends. The rest of the losers turn around and have similar reactions before they also begin backing up against the front of the house. Richie however, moves forwards a bit, still struggling with his arm and screams a broken, “Fuck off!” at pennywise.

The clown laughs but scurries behind a bush before disappearing. 

The losers are shocked and continue to stare at the bush until Richie passes out on Eddie making him shriek. 

“Richie!” Eddie yells shaking him carefully to try and get him to wake up again. 

“W-we should b-bring him to the club house” Bill states. 

“Yeah there’s a first aid kit there” Stan agrees. 

Ben and Mike hoist Richie up and they begin to walk towards the club house. 

The walk to the clubhouse feels too long. Richie doesn’t wake up but groans a few times when he’s accidentally jostled. Eddie stays near the front of the group but find himself looking back at Richie constantly. When they finally get there, Eddie has them set a Richie down on the hammock while he gets out the first aid kit. Stan and Bill go to bills house to get blankets and ice packs. 

Eddie carefully takes off Richie’s glasses and hand them to Bev who begins cleaning them. He begins by cleaning the blood off of Richie’s face which he determined was mostly from his nose which was no longer bleeding. He disinfects the few cuts that are on his face and puts bandaids over them. Once he’s finished he moves on to Richie’s right arm. It seems to be broken but Eddie knows how to fix it because his mom forced him to learn the process a few years back when he fell off the swings because,  _ What if you had broken your arm Eddie? What if this happens again and your all alone? _

Luckily he remembered everything because he was so scared by his mother’s words. After wrapping his arm he notices the blood on Richie’s shoulder which he quickly realizes has glass stuck in it. He carefully takes off Richie’s shirt gasping at the bruising that continues from his stomach all the way up his chest. He gets tweezers and carefully starts taking out the glass. Bev and Mike shutter as Eddie begins to make a pile of bloody glass and Ben has to look away. He disinfects the cuts and bandages up Richie’s shoulder. 

Eddie only realizes how shaky his hands are when Ben grabs them in his own. Eddie offers him a small smile but can’t help the tears forming in his eyes when he thinks about what could have happened to this boy who saved him only minutes ago. Stan asks where to put the ice packs and Eddie’s surprised that he didn’t notice when Bill and him returned earlier. Eddie regains his composure enough to tell Stan where to put the ice packs and tucks the blankets around Richie.

He realizes that it’s getting late so he goes home and tells his mom he’s staying the night at Bill’s and grabs a water bottle and puts pain meds in his fanny-pack before heading back to the clubhouse. The other losers have to go home but agree to come back tomorrow when they can while watching Eddie lay out his sleeping bag on the ground by Richie. 

It took Eddie over an hour to fall asleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about the clown, about the boy who ignored his own injuries to try and protect him. It couldn’t have been much later when he woke up again but this time to screaming. 

“Your hurting me!”

He shoots up, immediate disorientated until he remembers that he’s in the clubhouse-

“STOP!”

-and Richie’s there with him. Eddie attempts to stand up but find himself too tangled in his sleeping bag to be as fast as he’d like. 

“NO! D-don’t leave me here” Richie chokes out. 

Finally able to untangle himself from the blankets, Eddie rushes over to Richie. 

“Richie! It’s ok it’s just a nightmare.” Eddie whispers shaking him lightly. 

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry… just please don’t leave me alone” tears start streaming down Richies face. 

“Please wake up!” Eddie cries shaking him harder. 

Richie gasps awake and Eddie has to hold him down so he doesn’t make his injuries worse. 

“Richie, you need to calm down. You’re in our clubhouse, it’s just you and me, your ok. Try to copy my breathing”

It takes a bit but soon enough Richie is about to copy his breathing and seems to calm down. Eddie notices his squinting and places his glasses on his face for him. 

“Thanks… who are you?”

Eddie frowns, “You don’t remember? Did you hit your head yesterday?”

“I mean yeah I kinda did hit my head, but that’s not what I meant. I remember you… but I never learned your name” Richie responds even though his voice still sounds like shit. 

“Oh I’m Eddie, Eddie Kaspbrak.” Eddie says. 

“Nice to meet ya Eds. I’m Richie Tozier.” He smiles a large, dorky smile but it fades when he tries to move his broken arm. 

“I did my best to set and wrap your arm and I have pain medicine if you want some” Eddie says. 

Richie nods his head so Eddie gets the medicine and water for him. 

“Thanks Dr. K,” Richie says “Sorry if I woke you up.”

“It’s ok Rich. Are you ok? It sounded like you were having a really bad dream”

Richie sighs, “Yeah I’m ok I guess.” He yawns and sets his glasses down again, “Hey Ed’s?”

“Yeah Rich?”

“What if I have another nightmare?”

“Well I’ll be here,” he grabs Richie’s hand from his unbroken arm, “and I’ll wake you up.” 

Richie can barely keep his eyes open, “Thanks for savin’ me Eds”

“You saved me first”

Ricks eyes are shut now and he’s barely awake when he mumbles out “Don’t wanna be left ‘lone again”

Eddie frowns, “I won’t leave you ‘Chee, promise”

Richie doesn’t respond having fallen asleep. Eddie just smiles and squeezes his hand before falling asleep himself. 

Eddie wake’s up the next day still holding Richie’s hand which makes his heart flutter. He carefully separates his and Richies intertwined fingers and begins to roll up his sleeping bag from the night before. 

Less than ten minutes later Richie is blinking himself awake, momentary confused by his surroundings. He tries to sit up but this only results in a his of pain because...

“Fuck”

_ that’s right, Bowers, the statue, the beating, Neibolt, the clown and Eddie Kaspbrak. That happened.  _

Eddie heard him and walks over with the water bottle and pain meds. 

“Good morning Rich. Do you want to take some more meds?”

“Morning Eds, and yes please my arm and head are fucking killing me.”

Eddie hands him the meds and water and Richie takes them. 

“It’s Eddie by the way” Eddie says

“Huh?” Richie responds, squinting at him. 

“My name. It’s Eddie, not Eds”

“I know. I like Eds though. Eds or Eddie Spaghetti!”

“Oh hell no”

“Why watch your language my dear Eddie Spaghetti!” Richie says in a southern bell accent. 

“Rich your first word today was ‘fuck’”

“Yes but tragically, my mouth has already been corrupted by the horror filled language of the outside world. But I refuse to believe it’s to late for you Eddie Spaghetti!”

“Shut up Trashmouth”

“Trashmouth… I like that”

“That wasn’t the point”

“Well that sucks for you”

Eddie’s trying not to laugh as Richie handshim the water bottle which he sets on the table. 

“Where are we by the way?” Richie asks while putting on his glasses. 

“Oh. We’re at the clubhouse. One of my friends, Ben, found it in the forest and fixed it up” Eddie responds. 

“Do your parents know where it is?”

“Uh no. Just the losers hang out here” Eddie says with a furrowed brow and Richie sighs in relief. 

“‘The losers’?” Richie asks. 

“That’s what we call our friend group, the losers club. There’s me, Stan, Mike, Ben, Bill and Bev who were with me yesterday. You can join… if you want. Just know that we definitely aren’t the coolest kids and Bowers likes to target us”

“Are you sure you’d want me in your club?”

“Of course Rich!”

“Ok then.”

“Hey Rich...” Eddie starts. 

“Yeah?”

“Why were you at Neibolt?”

Richie goes quiet for the first time that morning. Eddie looks back up towards him and noticed as he starts to shake. 

“Oh Rich,”

He sits in the hammock next to Richie ant takes his hand. 

“It’s ok Richie. Your here now. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to”

Richie steadies out his breathing a bit. 

“No. I need to tell someone.” He chokes out. “I… I’m gay.”

Eddie says nothing for a few seconds. 

“You were at Neibolt because your gay?”

Richie laughs. 

“I’m getting to that part. Is that ok? That I’m gay? I get if you don’t want to be around me any more or if—“

“—Rich” Eddie interrupts. 

“Yeah?”

“I don’t mind that your gay. Actually, I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I think I might be bi.”

“Really?”

“Yeah Rich. The other losers won’t care either. In fact Stan and Bill have been dating for a bit.”

“Oh wow. That’s honestly a huge relief.” 

Richie goes on to tell Eddie about Connor, Bowers and the clown. 

“I’m so sorry Rich” Eddie says and hugs Richie who started crying. 

“That’s not even the worse part though” he chokes out. “The worse thing is that I wasn’t even hurt by Bowers or the clown. I went home after all that shit and my dad was drunk and he… and he did this to me.” Richie sobs. 

Eddie has to wipe tears from his own eyes. How could anyone do that to someone. Especially Richie, Richie who has saved Eddie before even knowing his name, Richie who had already made Eddie laugh and smile countless times this morning alone. 

“He got my head really good and I passed out and when I woke up…” he has to take a few breaths before continuing. “…The next time I woke up I was laying on the porch of Neibolt and watching him walk away. He just… he left me there Eddie. He left me there all alone, knowing what happens to the kids who stay around there. I was so scared. I-I thought that the clown would come back and that would be it. I’d just be another missing kid. Another poster hanging around town until someone else gets taken and I’d be forgotten and…” Richie doesn’t finish. 

Eddie is completely crying now. He’s hugging Richie so hard because he’s afraid that if he doesn’t, Richie will disappear. 

Richie continues, “Then you showed up and you actually cared and I woke up and I saw the clown behind you and I knew I had to keep you safe Eds”

“You saved me ‘Chee” Eddie says and begins running his hand through Richie’s hair. 

“You saved me too Eds” Richie lays down and Eddie lays next to him still holding on to him. 

The other five losers get together and head back to the club house to check on Richie and Eddie. When they get there, both boys are laying on the hammock holding each other and sleeping. They all share a knowing look and edit the clubhouse. 

**Author's Note:**

> Ok I hope you enjoyed that! Like it? Hate it? Tell me in the comments. Also please tell me if I’m missing any tags Or warnings. Oof or if you want to talk about this movie or other movies I’m super open to it because let’s be real I’ll never be over it.  
> Ok this is about to get really side tracked but I decided I’m bi the other day and I say decided because I guess I’ve never really thought of girls like that but anyways I’m not positive because I’ve never actually been with someone so if your reading this or my other fic and your like why are these relationships so awkward it’s because I’ve never been in one.  
> Ok super super of topic but I was at subway the other day and I was wearing a hat with and alien and it says ‘this place sucks’ and this cute girl said “I like your hat your my type of person” and I said thank you and couldn’t come up with anything else to say and ugh I really hate myself because I didn’t even look at her name tag but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it  
> Anyways thanks for reading 💜
> 
> Oh and happy New Years lads and gents!
> 
> Join my supernatural discord! https://discord.gg/6CvFtU4Y


End file.
